Weird post title I'm sure. Let me explain. I've had this thought running through my head for quite awhile now. I'm still getting up nights with a wee...well not so wee anymore...one and sleep is dearly coveted. I love crawling back into a warm bed and always hope for several more hours before the rest of the arrows** stir out of their beds entirely too early. However, when I choose sleep over getting up, at a decent time, and getting my day started I always start the day feeling a bit guilty (another musing for later). There have been several times when the wee arrow was up right around 4am so I was heading to bed again after that. I like to think of myself as a morning person, which might be laughable to my family. I suppose it would be more honest to say I WISH I could say of myself I was a morning person; I've always wanted to be a morning person. So anyway, I often set the alarm to go off at a somewhat early point in the morning to encourage me to develop this rising early habit. However, after being up with wee one, my first choice is going back to bed. Which takes us back to the "don't be afraid of 4" statement. There seems to be a "reasonable" time to arise to me and a "justifiable" time to return to bed. This 4am time frame, well it kind of falls into the "still crazy early but some people get up and survive", and "a little too close to the alarm time so reality is I'm choosing to sleep through it" category. What to do with it then?! Oh I hate seeing 4 on the clock when I check! I'm always rooting for earlier so I can return to bed, or later so I have just beat the alarm...by a few minutes. This 4 business makes me afraid. To return or not to return, to bed, is the question of the day and that begins a whole process of thoughts, questions, and waring internally. Yep, weird, I know but, it is what it is. So, maybe that is part of why this thought, "don't be afraid of 4" came to my brain. Maybe God has something really neat in store for me in these too early yet not too early hours. Maybe there will be a nugget gleaned, a filling up of prayers for my arrows that has woefully lacked, a preparing of my heart to meet this new day. Or maybe just a time God has for me to learn a new part of not loving sleep and being able to not be ruled by it. Not certain what all it is or why and seriously this is the first 4ish AM I have stayed up to see (I think!) I don't want to be afraid of it, nor controlled by my warm, comfy bed, nor feel like I am better than everyone still in bed because I got up by 4. I am curious to know the why of all this...musing over what it might be...and kinda falling asleep even typing! "Don't be afraid..."
**"As arrows are in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy, blessed, and fortunate is the man whose quiver is filled with them! They will not be put to shame when they speak with their adversaries in gatherings at the city's gate."** Ps. 127:4-5
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